Finding Your Spark

The modern fixation on being goal-oriented at the expense of self is wrong.

This past weekend I saw the Pixar movie "Soul," and loved it. I loved it so much that I felt the need to pause it several times to discuss what just happened with my wife—possibly because I was high on medical marijuana. (The colors were the best part.)

Whether you’re high or low, the film has a powerful message that very often gets lost in our competitive, goal-oriented culture: Life isn’t about achievement alone—or even at all. It’s about enjoying life, which, unless you’re living outside the United States, is fucking hard to do these days.

Most Pixar movies have straightforward themes that are easy to pick up halfway through (or earlier), but I admit I couldn’t figure out the point until close to the end—and I don’t blame the weed for my lapses. The idea that one could feel a lust for life in general felt naive to me. This is 2025 after all. We have one foot in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. It won’t be long until we cease to live separately from machines if transhumanist fuckers like Elon Musk get their way. But I digress.

I’ve spent the last three years in hot pursuit of two basic and (insipidly) practical goals: 1. Find a meaningful, stable career and 2. Find the cure to my chronic illness.

I’m unhappy to report that I’ve achieved neither. Yet, when I reflect on my struggles and setbacks, the central message of “Soul” rings true. It is possible to find joy and meaning in the shit life throws at you because sometimes the shit isn’t so shitty when you put it in perspective.

Speaking of shit, a kind stranger assured me last week that the shit I’ve been posting on LinkedIn and Substack will one day become mainstream shit—that there will be a “critical mass” (of shit), and all the (weak) silent types and naysayers will join me. I’ll be the equivalent of the crazy dancing guy in this video I love so goddam much.

Why do I love it? (If you haven’t watched the video yet, stop reading this and watch it now—it’s three goddam minutes of your life. Probably the three best minutes you’ll ever spend that don’t involve orgasm. Do it!)

I love the video because I don’t want to be like everyone else. It’s easy to be like everyone else, and nothing will ever fucking change if all we do is fall in line. We should be better than that. We’re not lemmings—at least not biologically speaking. The worst insult anyone could give me would be to say I’m “like everyone else” or that I’m “boring.” A woman I dated 12 years ago accused me of being boring—but she also claimed that airplanes only fly at speeds of five miles per hour. You be the judge of her credibility. But I digress again.

That was a long-winded way of saying that I pride myself on being different. And not just different but unique—something no one else can handle or touch (without oven mitts at least). This has not been easy, and my wife can tell you that I often complain about the consequences of being myself. Yet, last year I made a conscious choice to double down on being myself in ways that have likely harmed me and will continue to do so because whether that aforementioned kind stranger is correct or not about the future—it’s clear that most people are not ready for what I have to say now.

They just aren’t ready, and I can’t just do a drunken dance in a park and get them to join me. I’m unique, and that’s already been done. (If you didn’t watch the video, you won’t understand the reference.)

But what I can do is live on my own terms—whether I fail or succeed. That’s my spark. I hope you find yours.