Dumb Things Boomers Say When You Tell Them You Didn't Get the Job
The too-eager delivery of bad career advice isn't limited to just Boomers, but, damn, are they out of touch.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not a fan of receiving career-related advice from people who haven’t looked for a job since Monica Lewinisky lost hers.
If you were lucky enough to graduate from college during booming economic times, or, better yet, you didn’t need a degree to achieve the so-called American Dream because there was something called “on-the-job training”—I hate to break it to you, but that dream is dead. It’s long gone.
That dream is buried beneath a pile of mounting student debt, underwater mortgages, wasted job applications, and crappy advice.
Here are a few of my (least) favorite sayings from clueless old people who think they’re being helpful to their younger, job-seeking relatives. While we can’t stop them from giving their two cents, we can at least throw those useless pennies in their faces.
I provided my best translation for each. Enjoy!
“Keep your head up.”
Translation: I don’t have any useful advice to give you, so I’m going to just hope everything sorts itself out so that I’m off the hook. I’m also desperately hoping you don’t start screaming or crying, which would put me in an uncomfortable position. I’m too old to be uncomfortable. Now, can I get back to watching my show?
“If it didn’t work out, then it wasn’t meant to be.”
Translation: I’m not interested in conducting any careful analysis of what went wrong during your interviews or on-sites, nor am I interested in hearing your reflections on the flaws of the hiring process in general. I don’t like admitting ignorance or disinterest, so I’m just going to encourage you to keep going until something eventually works out—even if you’re currently headed in the wrong direction with no support from me or anyone else.
“You have a degree. How hard can it be?”
Translation: I didn’t have a goddam degree and somehow managed to raise three kids on my salary—with no help from a romantic partner or anyone else. I sucked it up and sold my soul to the company store. I don’t regret it either. Your generation is full of lazy, over-educated brats who wouldn’t understand an honest day’s work if it bit you on your entitled little asses.
“Why don’t you look for a government job? They’re stable and have great benefits.”
Translation: Even though I’m old, I don’t watch the news or keep up with current events. I live in a vacuum of reassuring lies.
“Stop being picky and just take whatever job you can get.”
Translation: Fuck your dreams. Fuck your student loans that won’t get paid off in 100 years—especially under Trump. Fuck all those years of studying some woke, ivy-tower bullshit that you were told would open doors for you. Just surrender to The Man so that I don’t have to hear you complain. Lose my number.
In summary, after a brutal job rejection, don’t bother calling Mom or Dad (and certainly not anyone older) for a venting session: Head for the liquor cabinet, put on Netflix, and call it a day.
If you happen to live with Mom and/or Dad, be sure to drink their liquor first. Cheers!
Fuck ‘em for being born—at a better time.
I relate to this tooo much. My dad straight up told me, "I'm glad I'm dying."
I'm seeing your post through my home page and wanted to give it some engagement. If you wouldn't mind doing it back to my newsletter post that would be amazing. New post is up!